- March 16, 2018 -

So...

A new small business was opening, and one of the owner's friends arranged for flowers to be sent to mark the occasion and wish the owner luck.

The flowers arrived at the new site right on time, and the business owner read the accompanying card...only to find that it said, "Rest in Peace."

The business owner decided to call his friend and told him what the card read.

The friend was pissed off and called the florist to give them a piece of his mind.

After he had told the florist the details and how angry he was, the florist [...]

- March 15, 2018 -

I have a theory that the real reason people go to their class reunions is to see who has gained more weight or lost more hair than they have.  lol

Actually, we have a really great time reminiscing about the 'old' days.

So we all know that every class has...

+ a Wally Cleaver. The good kid who never lied, was polite and smart and clean-cut.

+ a Clarence "Lumpy" Rutherford. The bully.

+ and an Eddie Haskell. The smart-mouthed, sneaky kid who could turn on the charm whenever adults were around.

You got it. I'm referencing Leave It To Beaver. The [...]

- March 15, 2018 -

Last May Ringling Brothers shut down for good after producing the "Greatest Show on Earth" for 146 years.

The death of an institution. I feel sorry for today's kids who'll never get to experience the spectacle of a circus first hand.

Every year my parents would load us kids in the car and drive to the Wells Fargo Center to see the Ringling Brothers & Barnum & Bailey Circus.

omg...I loved going to the circus.

My sisters were all about the trapeze artists. My favorites were the animals.

Remember the tigers jumping through the rings of fire?

We always tried to get [...]

- March 13, 2018 -

She goes to the office with me every morning.

Is jealous of other women.

Can't golf if her life depended on it.

And drinks from the toilet...not a plus.

But she's my girl. She's my dog, Rosy 🙂

I've always had a dog. Here's the thing about dogs...

+ If you spend the time to train 'em...

+ Play with 'em...

+ Give them unexpected treats (like the beef filet she just got on her birthday.)

+ Overlook the dirty feet and occasional smell...

They'll be loyal till the end.

Rosy hadn't been treated the best by her previous owner.

You see...she came with [...]

- March 12, 2018 -

You know what I mean...

The annual "I hate daylight saving time" bitching and moaning.

I'm not going to waste your time ranting on whether or not daylight saving time should be abolished...I don't really give a rip about it one way or another.

"Ohhh...did someone get up on the wrong side of the bed, Art?"

I admit...the first couple of days after the time change, my body revolts a bit until the caffeine drip starts to kick in lol

But, people...there's a bigger, more important issue at stake here.

In case it helps you decide [...]

- March 9, 2018 -

It was just a normal day. Sitting in the barbershop in Philly...getting a trim and shooting the breeze with Lou my barber.

Just me and Lou that day.

The door opens...and in walk Julius Erving and Moses Malone!

Dr. J and Big Mo in the house lol

So Lou introduces me and all I can come up with is: "So you gonna beat the Cetics and the Lakers?"

Geez, Artie!

Moses says, "Hell ya, bro!"

And with that...we were just three dudes sitting there gettin' a shave and a trim.

The last time I was with those guys was at Julius's retirement party at [...]

- March 8, 2018 -

I didn't watch the Olympics this time around.

Too much going on between my dad's failing health and trying to keep up with work.

And men in tights skating reminds me of men in tights dancing...so there you go.

But there was a name that kept popping up in conversations.

A guy who was in Olympic news in the early 80's.

A guy who's beat testicular cancer and a brain tumor. He was adopted. Never got any taller than 5' 4". His signature move was a backflip.

And he has less hair than I do LOL

His name is Scott Hamilton...and he's one [...]

- March 7, 2018 -

About 20 years ago I was introduced to the owner of a wine shop that had recently opened in Napa.

Napa is wine country but her shop was unique.

Margaux noses out and stocks hard-to-find artisanal wines from all over the world.

Boutique wines aren't massed produced. They're limited in quantity but exceptional in quality...and not cheap.

In short...I was hooked and have been collecting wine ever since.

Specifically Cabernet.

And in my wine cellar, every bottle is accounted for...probably won't even be able to drink it all before I die LOL

This wine isn't for every day consumption...it sits there until a [...]

- March 6, 2018 -

If I ever lose my day job, maybe I could make a living doing impersonations.

Can't beat the Duke...

"Whoa, take 'er easy there, Pilgrim."

"Sorry don't get it done, Dude."

"Friend, you better get another line of work; this one sure don't fit your pistol."

And I do a mean Scarface...remember these?

"Who put this thing together? Me, that’s who! Who do I trust? Me!" and...

"You wanna waste my time? Okay. I call my lawyer. He’s the best lawyer in Miami. He’s such a good lawyer, that by tomorrow morning, you gonna be working in Alaska. So dress warm."

Occasionally I'd get [...]

- March 5, 2018 -

This email is a follow up to Thursday's. So if you didn't read that email (Subject line was "Swearing off cruises") - please dig it up and go through it first...

If you think about it, reality tv is a form of the "choose your own adventure" genre where the characters are more in control of their fate than the producers.

While I'd love to veer off and take pot shots at most of them (you already know I can't stand Dancing With the Stars)...I'll restrain myself...this time LOL

But I have to admit...I watched American Idol.

Probably because it [...]